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DEVIANT: Your Kind Of Woman.
Let’s chat about your kind of woman. [Disclaimer: This is a heavy-hitter. Get your reading glasses.]
First of all, she is a woman, not a girl. You’re looking for the cream of the crop. 2 Corinthians 5:5 (MSG) says,
The Spirit of God whets our appetite by giving us a taste of what’s ahead. He puts a little of heaven in our hearts so that we’ll never settle for less.
Rule #456: never settle. If you settle for less than God’s best, you’z a heathen. Moving on. Back in February, when I did my first set of relationship posts, I mentioned my kind of woman…
She was born through the end of my last relationship. After the breakup, I committed to a life worth living. I knew that my future wife was out there (scary); I also knew that if I didn’t hone in on my relationship with Christ, I might miss her completely. With that said, in order to see her I needed to define who she might be. Through intense prayer and soul-searching, I created a list of characteristics and traits for my future wife. Some of these items were non-negotiables, some were preferences; all were important. I won’t divulge the secret recipe (you never know who reads this stuff!), but gentlemen, here are some guidelines:
1. Begin with the Lord – When I was dissecting who my future wife could be, I didn’t know where to start. Luckily, the Bible outlines great women of God time and time again. If you’re still confused, begin with Proverbs 31 (staying MSG because it makes the words of ‘ole King Lemuel a little less greek):
10 A good woman is hard to find, and worth far more than diamonds. 11 Her husband trusts her without reserve, and never has reason to regret it. 12 Never spiteful, she treats him generously all her life long. 13 She shops around for the best yarns and cottons, and enjoys knitting and sewing.
Clearly, you need to find the owner of an arts & crafts store (dry humor, folks). But SRSLY, she’s…
a) valuable, a rare gem,
b) trustworthy,
c) she only wants His highest and best for you,
d) she’s consistent, and takes great joy in what she does.
14 She’s like a trading ship that sails to faraway places and brings back exotic surprises.
I have no idea what that means, but it sounds hot. Moving on…
15 She’s up before dawn, preparing breakfast for her family and organizing her day. 16 She looks over a field and buys it, then, with money she’s put aside, plants a garden. 17 First thing in the morning, she dresses for work, rolls up her sleeves, eager to get started. 18 She senses the worth of her work, is in no hurry to call it quits for the day.
Make me a sandwich, woman. Lol. Bottom line: she’s not lazy. She has an eagerness to achieve. She is not impulsive, but considerate. She trusts in God for all things with great fortitude. She’s compassionate (v. 20). Have you ever heard the saying, “idle hands are the devil’s workshop?” Same application.
23 Her husband is greatly respected when he deliberates with the city fathers.
Wait. This doesn’t make any sense… what does he (you) have to do with her? … … … Everything. If a man fails spiritually, it is first and foremost his fault… BUT, his wife will have GREAT influence on his decision making. A woman without sound moral judgement is crucial. If she’s willing to compromise in one area, she’s willing to compromise in every area.
25 Her clothes are well-made and elegant, and she always faces tomorrow with a smile.
She dresses preppy. Whoops, my preference. This is a woman who can smile at the future because she’s well aware that the future cannot hurt her (and all things happen for His good and our good– Romans 8:28). Instead of trying to assess what the future holds, she rests in the fact that The Creator holds the future. God has begun a great fantastic marvelous work in her, and will see that to fruition (Philippians 1:6).
26 When she speaks she has something worthwhile to say, and she always says it kindly.
This one’s a biggun (thanks for the word, Trace Adkins). Your wife will have the power to build you up or tear you down. CHOOSE WISELY. I’ve never seen a married man say, “Oh gee, honey, I’m so glad you constantly belittle me.” You need a woman that will empower you (through her words) to be the amazing man that God has called you to be. Anything less is settling (rule #456).
30 Charm can mislead and beauty soon fades. The woman to be admired and praised is the woman who lives in the Fear-of-God. 31 Give her everything she deserves! Festoon her life with praises!
You’re getting the hang of this. She fears the Lord… it’s that simple. FESTOON!
2. Determining Secondary Characteristics. So now that you have an excellent foundation for what you’re looking for, let’s add on. We can consider the aforementioned biblical principles as non-negotiables. This next group of items would be near-non-negotiables. Use this phrase, “I will only date her if”: “she’s financially sound” … “she’s well-spoken” … really delve into what matters for you.
3. Assess your negotiables. These are characteristics that matter, but you’re willing to relent on if the situation arises. For example, you love a woman that can cook (who doesn’t?), but your Mrs. Right comes along and can only make nachos (…I would still be in heaven, but I digress). If this isn’t a non-negotiable, you need to be willing to have nachos every day for the rest of your life. Which brings me to my next point…
4. God is always right. For the longest time, I identified my “type” as tall and blonde. God made my eyes to pick them out of a crowded room and I assumed this “type” was absolutely the type I would marry (after all, it was on “my list” for a future wife). Last summer, God brought a friend into my life, who was attractive but the exact opposite of what I thought I was looking for: short and dark. She was a great person who completely deviated from what I was expecting.
“How could this be possible,” I thought. But God has a plan and he knows you better than you know yourself. Although we were just friends and remain that way, this was truly an important lesson for me to see. You have to be prepared to audible. Don’t do what I did for over one year and look for your perfect woman; she’s rarely out there. By focusing on what I thought I needed, I let a cavalcade of great women pass me by.
Focus on what you truly need, identify if she has that little je-ne-sais-quoi that makes her special, and let the chips fall where they may. You have a pretty good idea of who she is now, so pray for her. Pray that her day goes well. Pray that she walks in accordance to the Lord. Pray that she is well loved. Pray pray pray. You can never pray too much for your future wife.
We’re moving in the right direction, but this road is long and narrow. You know your future wife is our there, but that’s only half of the battle. Check back in on Monday… I will attempt to channel my inner Andy Stanley and ask you,
“Are you who the person you’re looking for, is looking for?”
See you then.
