Is Porn Your Problem?

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[Photo: Dave Kemp]

1 Corinthians 13:11 says, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”

As men, we need to grow up. We do a ton of things well… and one of them is justifying our actions. I am positive that if every man was a superhero today, our power would be deflecting blame and criticism with a shield of pride and better-than-my-problems-ness. Our addictions are included, and in this case, that’s pornography.

Can I explain it? No. I’m a man. I don’t have an outside perspective. I am in it. But I can shed some light through what I’ve seen and what I know.

The problem is NOT that we love pornography too much. The problem is NOT even that we don’t love God enough. In fact, I have known many great Godly men that fell victim to the crippling effect of porn.

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I think the true problem is that we don’t love women enough.

Sounds crazy, right? The idolization of the female body is because we don’t love it enough. If you think I’m crazy, I encourage you to read on (it gets better). Jesus says in John 13:34,

[box_light]So now I am giving you a new commandment: Love each other. Just as I have loved you, you should love each other.
–John 13:34 (NLT)[/box_light]

“Love each other…” that includes women. All women. Not just the one you’re pursuing or dating or married to. It means the one on the street. The one working the street. The one who struggles with overeating. The one who did you wrong at one point or another. All of ‘em.

It’s our responsibility as men to treat women with the utmost respect, because she is a daughter of our God in the highest. She is made in God’s image. Jesus died for her, too–––and he loves her. We grossly fail in loving them because we take the female body for granted.

When we listen to music, how often do we hear a rapper sing about his woman’s purity or her fully clothed body? That’s right. Never. Instead, it’s stuff like this (and, full disclosure, please realize I had to Google “objectification of women in media” to realize this existed):

[box_light]“She wanted me to feed her, so I mixed up the batter and she licked the beater. I scream, you scream, we all scream for her. Don’t even try ’cause you can’t ignore her.” — “Cherry Pie,” Warrant[/box_light]

And we allow it. If we are willing to condone someone’s words, we will condone our own private actions. We can spell out the ramifications of those “private actions” in three ways (assist to Andy Stanley):

1. A real body isn’t good enough.
2. One body isn’t good enough.
3. Your wife’s body isn’t good enough.

Let that simmer.

Because I am single and because I understand the battles of being a single man, this message is specifically for single men: we know not what we do.

You might be saying, I don’t have a wife yet! What I’m doing right now isn’t hurting anybody! You’re sorely mistaken. One day you’ll get married, and you’ll realize something: your wife’s body doesn’t measure up. After all, how could your wife be good enough when you’ve intimately seen hundreds of perfect looking, photoshopped naked women?

You’re setting yourself up for a marriage of no intimacy. And because we’re such excellent deflectors, we’ll blame her for not putting out, and we’ll blame her for not meeting our needs. Besides the fact that no woman could ever meet those needs, we need to adjust our habits before they’re too strong to overcome.

If you have trouble looking at porn, try this: next time your pants are around your ankles and you’re looking at an image, think about her. Don’t think about what you’d do to her, but remember that she is a child of God. Remember that she is redeemed by Christ. Remember that she has parents. Remember that, like your future wife, she is a woman and she just wants to be loved.

All women want to be seen as more than a commodity. They don’t want to compete with an avalanche of images, but I’m pretty sure many have given up hope. These amazing, Christian women think, “If Christian men (the good guys) are struggling, it’ll be impossible to find a man who can’t take captive his lust problems.”

Lucky for them, we’re horrible at controlling lust. Lucky for us (and them), we have a healing Father. If you’re having problems with sexual sin, give it to God. You can try (and fail) and try (and fail), but until you let God have everything, you’re in for a frustrating struggle. I dare you to meet God in the middle… and get ready for the grace and mercy that God has waiting.

[box_help]How have you dealt with sexual imagery and sin? Sound off in the comments.[/box_help]

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