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That Lovin’ Feelin’

By on February 7, 2012


We’ve all had our dream of falling in love. The world bombards us with the myth of love at first sight. Boy meets girl, each wins the other over with their perfect smile, charm, and wit, and they live happily ever after.  If problems arise, everything is tied up in a perfect bow through the course of a single show or movie.  All mistakes are worked through, and there is no sign of lasting consequences as the two embrace and all is forgotten.

Often, love is placed on the same plane as emotion.  We view love as equal to happiness or sadness.  In our efforts to find that perfect warm and fuzzy feeling, love becomes something which is easily fleeting.  When hardship arises, we accept that we must have fallen out of love and move on to find our next experience.

But love is not to be a mere feeling or emotion, but a choice and motive.

Love transcends emotion.

Love can be found amidst sorrow and frustration, just as it can be found intertwined with happiness.

True love is meant to be the driving force behind our every thought and action. It is not tied to our feelings, but instead bends our very will around seeking the betterment of another. Instead of “falling” into love, we are to charge into every situation with love guiding our every step.

Relationships are not easy, and lasting relationships are the ones which withstand the problems that life throws at them from every angle. From the simple arguments over what to watch, to the battles over staying fully committed, true love is found weaving it’s way through every discussion and binding two people together.

As I sit here thinking about love, I can’t help but think of the man whose very name is synonymous with romance; a man every guy from my generation hoped to grow up and become, Steve Urkel. Every Friday night, I couldn’t wait for TGIF so that I could study the every move of this veritable Don Juan. I took notes as Urkel effortlessly wooed the love of his life, Laura Winslow. Who wouldn’t want to be that suave and debonair?

Now, anyone familiar with “Family Matters” (and if you’re not, it just makes me feel old), knows that I may be slightly wrong on the facts.  Urkel may not have been exactly the pinnacle of cool, but his character is actually a decent example of love (and he had his moments, the line, “I worship the rain, that waters the grass, that grows on the ground you walk on”, is pure genius… …though it may get you some funny looks if you try it).

Steve Urkel lived every day seeking the next way he could show Laura just how special she was. He would risk making himself look like a fool, or even upsetting her, if it meant standing up for her and protecting her. His “feelings” we’re placed aside in light of each decision being completely based on her wellbeing, and he strove to take part in nothing that would diminish her worth or his character (Though he did struggle with the irresistible temptation of a good polka, but who doesn’t?).

It may not be the most profound example of love, but, as a man, I believe I could learn a thing or two from Steve Urkel (I may have the nerd part down, but at least, in a world where Apple is taking over, nerds are in… …let me live happily in my delusion).  If you are seeking a relationship, or seeking to make a relationship last, strive to make love the focus of everything.

Become the man that bases every decision on what will be beneficial for raising the character of yourself and your significant other, and always seek to further illuminate the worth of the other.

Long to show her that you know she is an amazing creation, and that you will do nothing to diminish her worth. Let go of a shallow view of love which only sees its worth in how it makes you feel, and discover the wonderful truth of a love which is purposeful in action and profound in effect. Cling to, while fully expressing, a love that provides hope and peace in the midst of turmoil and magnifies happiness and joy.

About Matt Wells

Matt Wells is a born-and-raised Floridian, from Lake Worth. He currently lives in Florida with his wife, Heather, their baby daughter, Bella, and their dog, Marley. He is the author of "Fix Me, Love Them: Christianity as it Should Be", and can be found on Twitter (www.twitter.com/FixMeLoveThem), and Facebook (www.facebook.com/FixMeLoveThem). He can also be reached at FixMeLoveThem@gmail.com
  • emily hughes

    soo just wanted to let u know i love this and am admitting to falling into temptation to a good polka.

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  • Gregg

    Found this through Donald Miller facebook page. I had an affair with a married woman. It went on for five years. I loved her. It was feelings, but it was also choice, intent, and will and it was real, at least for me it was. And yes, it was sin. In the end it destroyed me. Personally, financially, professionally. She lost her marriage and I lost her as well. She claims to be a Christian. She said amen to your article about Fixing yourself and loving others back in December while proceeding to dehumanize me. To her I no longer exist. There is no forgiveness. I am still heartbroken and sad for all.

    • http://www.FixMeLoveThem.com Matt Wells

      Gregg,

      Let me begin by saying that I am sorry for the pain, sorrow, and loneliness you are experiencing. I grieve with you, over the life you had but have lost, and I am filled with sorrow by thoughts of what this situation must have done to you, your family, and your friends. My heart goes out to you all.

      I have struggled and prayed over how to reply. Your post truly hit me deep, and my heart longs to share some word of guidance and hope.

      First, you say that your love for her was real, but also sin. The Bible speaks of love as being a central aspect of the very nature of God.
      “God is love.”(1 John 4:8)
      Love is not a mere feeling, but an aspect of God woven into creation. The choice to love is the choice to take part in the very essence of God. Therefore, true love cannot lead to sin and destruction. Sin happens when love is twisted into something it was never intended to be. Love will NEVER cause one to enter into any situation which is not within the will of God. If it leads to sin, it is not love.

      Second, I am sorry for any pain others may cause you in response to what happened. Forgive those who do not forgive. You cannot control how others will react to you, you cannot make them forgive, but you can forgive them and free yourself from the burden of carrying others unforgiveness on your back.

      Follow God in all things, forgive and seek only HIS forgiveness, and focus on the love of Christ, which will NEVER leave you broken.

      God loves you Gregg, He’s already forgiven everything through Christ, and He longs to see you renewed, restored, and filled with joy.

      “There is no condemnation, for those in Christ.”(Romans 8:1)

      Accept His forgiveness.

      Hold on to His love.

      Let go of any bitterness and anger toward others, or yourself, and strive to live a life which expresses His love.

      Grace and Peace to You,
      Matt Wells

  • Gregg

    Matt,

    I just found your loving response. I wish I would have seen it sooner.
    Thank you, I did say of that relationship tha “it was sin”.

    But I know if I know anything at all that I did love her.

    I would be interested in your perspective on David and Bathsheba.

    My love was not perfect. And I failed to liove her as I should have ( by running away when I saw where things were headed). But i know I loved her and I still love her despite everything that has happened.

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