Men Are Complicated, Women Are Complicated

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Note: I feel prompted to paint a scenario that is descriptive enough to make a difference. Our generation was taught what ‘not to do’ in churches, but often the ‘why’ was left unanswered. This article is simply a step toward redeeming the mentality of this generation by pumping culturally relevant truth into the dialogue, with the sincere hope for a resuscitation of our values for the sake of our God.

We have it backwards. We all do. Sex and relationships in this culture makes for some serious confusion. The mixed messages make it seem impossible to do the relationship thing the “right” way. We bargain with God and ourselves. And when we bargain, we lose ground.

Many guys I’ve spoken with about the subject will generally admit that if they cross major physical boundaries with a girl, they lose interest in having a serious relationship with them. Well, what sparks the loss of interest? This physical act downgrades the ‘good girl’ he’s pursued and considered introducing to his parents, and strips her down to some chick he doesn’t want to take 5 seconds to text back because he wants her off his back.

It’s interesting how human behaviors are so often fueled by the subconscious. Men subconsciously know that pushing the physical boundary
will make or break the future of the relationship, but often I wonder if they even know why. A man-who is being selfish at the time- will push, take, and then throw the girl away…but why? Respect is the reason. The respectable thing to do is follow God’s Word. He made it for a reason. Temptation is real, but it also can be conquered daily. When a unrespectable action transpires (even if it’s at the nudging the man who loses respect), they treat it that way. I don’t think they do it on purpose, I just think it’s a part of the mystery of sin and mankind. If you eat the apple, there are consequences.

The enemy also has a lie going around that’s infected the subconscious minds of females. Girls think giving in physically means getting more emotionally. Guys want to get more physically, but have no plans to stick around emotionally with a girl he doesn’t respect. After all, respect is a man’s love language. It’s how he hears, feels and receives love. In life, men must learn the difficult task of showing their tender feelings to a woman in a way that translates as love because it’s not in his genetic makeup to do so naturally. Respect, on the other hand, is something a man understands.

In the context of Christianity, men and women know God’s Word, and therefore, know God’s best when it comes to purity and all things related to sex. There is no room for interpretation when the Word says our bodies are temples and that sexual sin is the worst of them all because it is committed against ourselves (I Corinthians 6:18-19).

BUT then all the greatest excuses come into place. The unique situations, our feelings, loneliness, and the like invades our minds, and we start to cave on God’s best. Men cave because they are tempted physically and culture says “You’re more of a man if you get what you want”. Show her off; the hotter the better. So temptation starts to make way for the trap. If a man pushes the boundaries, a woman will naturally want to please them (it’s in our nature to appease others). Since the physical affects the emotional, the physical act a man initiates goes before a woman’s knee-jerk emotional response to the man and the act.

Women are complicated. We have our standards. We desire purity, strive for it, pray through it, and hear the Lord in it. We love the Lord, but we are suckers for the emotional gap that’s being fulfilled by our man. We like affirmation. We like attention, affection, sweet words, flowers, you know how it goes…we like it all. So the conflict builds.

Meanwhile, a man is really into a girl, and maybe wants purity ultimately, but is fighting himself on the physical–or worse, isn’t fighting at all for purity. He’s just fighting against the girl who is desperately trying to protect her purity AND keep her man.

Imagine this scenario: A woman meets a man, gets to know him, likes him, trusts him, works to be on the same page as him, etc. The two like each other quite a bit and the relationship develops. She lets him lead (because we want Christian men to lead us). She trusts him to carry the direction of the relationship. But then he starts leading her in the wrong direction. He promises the world, and she likes him and figures that she’s already invested in the relationship, so she listens and begins to make excuses for him. Over time, she has a decision to make. She can end it, or cave. If he leads her to cave, the physical trap catches, the relationship is doomed, and she is bankrupt of a relationship, purity and dignity. And what’s worse is that he doesn’t seem to be nearly as bothered as she is.

God made men to lead. But with leading comes great responsibility to those he leads. Leading in humility, not taking his eye off the Father who supplies strength is the only way he can succeed in living unselfishly.

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