Seeing Dating For What It Is

By  |  5 Comments

Dating is something that I have never really thought was an issue that mattered to God because of how minuscule it can seem when compared to deeper issues. Even the word itself has a specific stigma to it. It’s as if this word holds some sort of power that causes conversations to get awkward and people to get either extremely happy or ridiculously sad. Some people even get angry at the very thought of the word.

Most people that write about dating come across as if they are the ultimate authority on the issue. They all have written a dozen books about it and although each author differs in opinion and logic they somehow all remain correct. It’s ridiculous, as if a self help book is going to launch you into a Godly relationship with the opposite sex. I’m not even going to pretend to be like that because the truth is I don’t have it figured out.

I’m just adding to the conversation… taking the things I’ve noticed and mixing them with a few things that I have learned. As a single Christian guy I am trying to find where I belong in all of this. I love the idea of marriage and I realize that dating is a prerequisite to that endeavor. My problem with dating is that it has been completely abused and in some situations it has become extremely unhealthy.

I wish I could say that I haven’t been a part of the impurity of dating but I would be lying if I didn’t admit to the role I played. It starts with the feeling of loneliness and from there we begin to loan our hearts out to anyone who will listen and show us affection.

 

Dating gets distorted because we act in the flesh and we look for joy and fulfillment in cheap interactions with sinful people. It seems as if we don’t understand how dangerous this really is and I believe that we would be compelled to change if we knew the magnitude of our actions. When it comes to something like dating, it’s vital for us to realize that we aren’t just dealing with ourselves. There is another heart involved and when we abuse dating we are just proving that we aren’t mature enough to be responsible for that person’s heart.

 

Guys:

Stop treating dating like it’s some sort of sick sport that you pride yourself in being good at. We’ve all done it and it and it just ends in a feeling of emptiness and guilt. Start looking at the girls you are in community with as daughters of the King of Kings and not some new project that you’re working on. Spend your time praying for the girls you spend time with and make sure that your actions and intentions glorify God and not yourself.

 

Ladies:

Remember that you were purchased by the blood of Jesus Christ and not by some guy who wants you for your body. Stop dressing in a way that encourages guys to treat you like less than who you are. NEVER pursue a relationship with a guy. That’s his job and he should pride himself in winning over your heart through prayer and authenticity. The guy who truly loves you will pursue you even after he has you.

 

We were created to have love, be love and give love but it is impossible to do that outside of the love of Jesus Christ. We need to be training ourselves in Godliness and be able to get to the point in our relationship with God where we are ready to be responsible for somebody else’s heart.

I want to see a generation of followers of Jesus Christ rise up and become men and woman of character and integrity, and I want to see it extend to dating. I want to see dating become something important that we pray and fast over, something that we take completely serious.

Writer, follower of Jesus and avid story teller.

  • Alyssa Belk

    So proud of you Shane! Keep pursuing Christ and fighting to be obedient and faithful to Him. I pray that many people would come to know Christ through your bold love and your servants heart. Love you friend!

  • Pingback: Quarterlife Man | #12in12: Seeing Dating For What It Is - Quarterlife Man

  • anon

    “Stop dressing in a way that encourages guys to treat you like less than who you are”

    Us women should be able to dress however we want and you men must respect us regardless. To say what you say is the same as telling a rape survivor “see? you shouldn’t have worn that mini skirt”. It’s promoting rape culture and chauvinism. If a worldly guy must respect a lady, a christian guy has to go even further and love her with the love of Jesus. I’m quite shocked that you try to pass such a terrible advice as “pious” and “holy”.

    “NEVER pursue a relationship with a guy.”

    Personally, I agree with that statement. But that’s not in the Bible. So we can’t place any judgement on any girl that decides to make the move and pursue a relationship, nor can we say it’s “sinful” or wrong in any way for a lady to “pursue” a guy. I know many christian guys that would judge me for thinking that it’s their job to pursue women and not the other way round..

    • Sunshine Brule

      Thank you for the first part of your statement. I posted something similar a while ago and my comment was deleted. I think it’s pretty unfortunate that while the editor in chief of this “magazine” is embroiled in a bit of controversy concerning rape culture that they are promoting something that is part of the base of the problem.

      • Mark

        I wholeheartedly agree.

        Why can’t these young men accept that women have the right to address as they want. If young, naive boys have a problem with it, the they should keep their opinions to themselves.