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Coffee Shop Talk: Sex, Struggles, and Temptations
[box_light]Ed. note: This is B. She’s our weekly Q&A writer and will be answering questions from a female perspective (naturally). You can find her subsection under “Faith.” Do you have a question or comment? Send it to us on Facebook, Twitter, via email, or in the comments, and we’ll do our best to have her answer it in future weeks.[/box_light]
Do women have problems with sexual temptation like men do?
This question could be answered with one single word…
I don’t feel like I should have to go on any further, but I’ll give my thoughts here anyway. We are constantly told (as women) that men are visual, modest is hottest, don’t cause a brother to stumble, etc. etc.
These are all very real, and true statements. Women definitely need to understand how men operate and be mindful of such things. We also need to honor God with our bodies in how we treat them and clothe them. However, with that being said, I want to look at the other side of the coin. (Note: these are just thoughts on this topic, and I completely agree; women need to step up and help you brothers out. Continuing on…)
We have been drilled to think that it is somehow our fault that men operate that way, and at times that leaves us to feel guilty and shamed. But men, can we be honest? If an attractive woman were to wear a burlap sack over her body–––you’d still have to fight temptation wouldn’t you?
Because of this guilt… or shame… or “to do list” that women have been brought up with to help men avoid temptation (Which I will keep saying, YES! Women, help men out.) …it’s almost saying that we have no sexual bone in our body and that it’s only men that struggle. Why do women not have a voice in this matter?
I cannot speak for all women, but from conversations I’ve had I can see the double standard. Men–––most women get just as turned on when they see you in a bathing suit as when you see us in one. [speedo's are not included in that statement. Gross.] We may not be as visual as men, but we run off feelings and memories. If we have a good time talking or hanging out with an attractive man, we then show those clips in our minds over and over and over and over and… I think you get my point.
We fantasize about what you’d say and what you’d do, how you would move in for the kiss, what we could say or do to get you to kiss us. All of these things lead to us acting out these fantasized temptations with men. (Especially when godly men won’t take charge in sexual purity and say: “No.”) We may not talk about these things openly because we are always the ones addressed to help you. Just know, women struggle with sexual temptation and sin. It might be in different ways than you, but we definitely struggle.
What’s Your Biggest Struggle?
Oh, boy…how much time do you have?
I know I struggle daily. What those may be change every 24 hours.
I would have to say the most recurring one, however, is self-control. I mean that in two different ways. First, I struggle with self-control in the sense of avoiding or restraining from certain things. This isn’t the biggest struggle, but it’s definitely part of it.
The second way is that I am a control freak.
Yes, I need everything my way and I need to know how, when, where, and why everything happens and/or will happen. I’m a planner [to an extent] and with Jesus, I can’t be. Everyday I have to let go; it’s a day by day thing. If I don’t consciously pray each morning “God, take control of me today.” I lose sight of why I’m here. I become obsessed with MY schedule and what I need to do. I worry about future plans. I try and make the future things God has given me glimpses of come to fruition by my own doing.
I’ve learned A LOT in these past few years–––but especially in these last 365 days. Because of situations and circumstances God has brought me to, I’ve had to learn to wait, to be patient. Surrendering all control. It isn’t easy by any means. I trust that God is greater and has a far greater plan than I do. He has different ways of accomplishing them too.
“My thoughts are nothing like your thoughts,’ says the Lord. ‘and my ways are far beyond anything you could imagine. For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.”
Do most women consider themselves a “Proverbs 31 woman?”
Proverbs 31 is the “go-to” chapter when learning how to live as a godly wife and woman. It is packed full of qualities and character traits God wants His daughters to possess. I, personally, spent a whole summer reading through this chapter and spent so much time over each and every verse.
Honestly? It was discouraging at times.
I feel most women would agree if they were to be honest with themselves. Women strive to be a “Proverbs 31″ type of a gal, but I don’t think any of us would ever consider ourselves as one. We are constantly working and growing into that woman and I don’t believe we will ever achieved it until we stand before our True Bridegroom.
As godly women, we should be constantly working and growing to become the women God desires. I can look in my life and clearly point out a handful of women that I consider to be “Proverbs 31″ ladies, but when you ask if we consider ourselves one though, I think you’ll always hear “no” or “I try to be.”
As women, we will be the first to admit we don’t have it all together, and we rely on God’s grace and goodness each day to teach us how to become what He desires. That’s all we can do, is give everything to God and watch how He refines us.
I will say this: encourage your sisters in Christ. Be genuine and praise them in the Lord. I don’t mean: put them on pedestals and feed egos… but just as you would take time to encourage a brother in Christ, encourage her. We won’t take it as you “putting moves” on us. (Especially you married men. “Her children stand and bless her. Her husband praises her.” Proverbs 31:28)
Why is it so important to get involved at a church?
Fellowship and serving. These two things are so important in our walks of faith. Serving God uses our gifts and abilities to further the Kingdom.
I also think when we serve, we are humbled.
When we are involved in church, we are around like minded people. These are people who can encourage and strengthen us in the Lord.
We have the time to be around people of all ages and all walks of faith. Take advantage of that. Learn from the wisdom of those who are older and have lived more life. Be reminded of the “child-like faith” we all need to possess when you watch the young ones.
I also look at it this way… if I’m spending my time involved at church, that’s less time Satan has to tempt me with the things of this world. Idle hands are the devil’s play things, right?
until our next chat,
About Brittany Millera Jesus girl trying to live simply and love boldly. Check out her tumblr, http://justawhisper.tumblr.com/.
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Verse of the Week
––1 Thessalonians 5:21 (ESV)