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When We Decide To Be Indecisive
Editor's Note: This is a post that I wrote for my personal blog in 2011. It's too good not to share.
I hate going to Chick-fil-A.
Well, maybe not. I hate the process.
I hate ordering at Chick-fil-A. It turns into decision overload. There's always that one central moment (and why is it when there are 90 people behind you?) when you step to the front of the line and have no idea what to order.
Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. I'll have a #1.
A 4-count nugget… with an ice cream.
In a cup.
Wait. A cone… definitely a cone.
And a Coke.
Wait. A sweet tea.
Despite the fact that I would never-ever order a sweet tea, I still really feel for the those poor Chick-fil-A employees.
We're the same way with women…
…and if there's one area that we need to deviate, as men in our culture, it's here. There are way too many men (boys, really) galavanting around, treating women like garbage and assuming there are ZERO consequences for their actions. Now, I know what you're about to say:
"Hey Schmidt. I'm not some horrible person. I don't run around having sex and making horrible decisions!"
Yes, I know. You're not having sex; you're leading a 'good' life.
Your actions still have consequences. How many girls have you lead on because you loved the attention? If you're anything like me, it's probably billions, but guess what: every day those women think of (or have thought of) you repeatedly and it's not in the oh-he's-a-really-great-friend kind of way.
Sidenote: If you weren't about to say that you're not making horrible decisions… and it's because you are having sex, you need to stop and type 'purity' into the search bar up top. Just saying.
It's our indecision, as men, as leaders, that has a crippling effect on Godly relationships. Have you ever heard that all of the great Christian women are wondering where the great Christian men are? This is through our indecision and it happens in two ways:
1. Pre-Relational Indecision.
I will begin with the following: if you like her and think she's supa-fine… ASK HER OUT. Somewhere along the line, it became perfectly justifiable in Christian culture to stick a certain part of your body between your legs and not be a man. BE. A. MAN.
If you know her pretty well and you're spending enough time together, it's redundant to lead her on. She likes ya, bro. Also, despite gender-equity in all areas of 21st-Century life, she's still a woman, and that woman wants her Boaz. I won't pretend like I know women internally, but I will go out on a limb and say that the women who pursue men themselves are few and far between. She will put herself in front of you, very much like Ruth did, but it's your job to take the football and score.
2. Inter-Relational Indecision.
I referenced this briefly just a moment ago. It's inevitable that you will meet and get to know some very cute lady friends. In secular society, you are a man by virtue of the sheer amount of women on your arm. If you want to achieve a different result, you need to do something different. You're a man because God ordained you to follow him and lead others (including your girlfriend/fiancé/wife).
Let's go back to the "friend" you might be leading on. If you don't like her or don't think she's supa-fine… ASK HER OUT. (Just checking to make sure you're paying attention.)
Seriously though, if you can't see yourself dating her, stop playing games. Nothing good ever came from leading someone on. She's already emotionally vested in your relationship (even if it may be just a friendship), and most of the time, those feelings will only increase.
So how can we counteract this indecision?
I'm glad you asked. I eluded to it before: you need to be decisive. The Bible says to "Simply let your 'Yes' be 'Yes,' and your 'No,' 'No';" (Matt 5:37). It's much easier said than done, but here's one helpful guideline that should help your situation dramatically:
Talk to her. It sounds simple, but you'd be surprised. So often, her expectations are higher than your intentions, or vice versa. If you're communicating well, there will be no miscommunication on where you're at relationally. Tell her, "I want to be intentional on getting to know you better," or, "I think you're really special and I want to date you." If you're not thinking like that, tell her this:
"Listen [girl], I think you're awesome, but I don't want to compromise the relationship you'll have with your future husband. I cannot be that man for you and it's unfair to both of you to be occupying your time."
Paul said, "When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I gave up childish ways" (1 Cor. 13:11). You are a man, so when interacting with women, be real. She will appreciate your honesty in the long run. God has created us to be bold and stouthearted (Psalm 138:3), so we should attack our relationships with that same vigor.
One Final, Parting Thought: She knows you're indecisive when you say that you are "waiting on God." You have two choices… commit to a season of singleness or get moving with the ladies. They're all out there… and they're waiting for some real men.
Sound Off: How do you deal with indecisiveness? What's your worst story of indecisiveness? Let us know in the comments below.
About Jayson SchmidtFounder of the Quarterlife movement. Building an empire for the glory of God and living my dream to make the name of Jesus famous. Get at me on Twitter (@JaysonSchmidt).
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Verse of the Week
––1 Thessalonians 5:21 (ESV)