Dating with Happy Feet

You know him. The quarterback with happy feet.

He drops back to pass. Looks. Scans. Nothing open. He does a jig that’s less footballish and more Riverdance, and it’s usually followed by a mistake.

Interception. Sack. Fumble. You name it, you’ve named him. The quarterback with happy feet.

I am the quarterback with happy feet. Granted, I’ve never taken a snap from under center and I’ve never been crushed by a 290-lb. defensive tackle, but that’s me. Prepare for the metaphor application… as single men, we have happy feet in the dating world.

In 2013, options are everywhere. You can theoretically find any type of woman you’d like, from Miami to Mozambique and back again. They can be writers or rodeo clowns. They can be tall/short, little/big. Whatever you want, so long as it’s reciprocated, I suppose. But this presents a problem. In the past, you dated people you ran with. If you were a member of the bourgeoisie, you dated a member of the bourgeoisie. Likewise, peasants; meet peasants. Not anymore though–––like no other time in history, it’s up to you–––and that might not be a good thing. Here are four things that quarterbacks with happy feet do:

1. They’re unhappy with their options

A quarterback has his go-to receiver. If that receiver isn’t open (maybe she’s in a relationship or engaged), he scans the defense for another matchup. If he makes it through all of his reads, the ball usually ends up in the hands of his check-down option.

2. They get anxious

If everybody’s covered, he gets anxious and begins the dance of the happy feet. Due to the mounting pressure, he looks back at his options, floating something halfway reminiscent of an actual forward pass toward his target.

3. They make a mistake

By the time that pass is thrown, the receiver is covered. Interception.

Sometimes, the quarterback is crippled by indecision and takes a sack. His future decisions are now altered due to his previous indecision, and he needs additional yardage to score a touchdown.

4. They overreact

That quarterback is thinking about the last pass he threw. In the best case scenario, he is a quick forgetter. If not, he might make another mistake, or even worse, just hand the ball off.


If there are two things I love, it’s football and dating metaphors. And unlike the Mark Sanchez’s of the world, you don’t have to have a career making questionable decisions on the field. Like Peyton Manning in the opening video, even the best quarterbacks get happy feet, but we all want a touchdown, right?

We do. But somewhere along the line, you’ll get sacked. 

You’ll fumble. You’ll turn first-and-goal into fourth-and-long, but at the end of the day, Peyton Manning was a twelve-time Pro Bowler, a Super Bowl winner, and four-time NFL MVP. There is a correlation between your past mistakes and your present successes. If you’re willing to learn from your mistakes, you’re more likely to run headlong into the teeth of that intimidating defense.

The Cure for Happy Feet

The cure for happy feet begins by realizing that a lack of focus is deadly in relationships, as in football. Options are great if you’re talking hamburgers or hot dogs, but when you’re driving the field, you can’t be preoccupied with multiple receivers. Without focus and a number one receiver, you’ll be more inclined to make an errant decision.

In addition, happy feet disappear when you slow down, because not all decisions are best served quickly. When we speed up the dating process, we are asking for trouble. Nowadays, we meet, greet, and delete in a fraction of the time, leading to our lack of options and unhappiness.

Let’s talk Peyton again–––and his favorite receiver, Marvin Harrison. Together, they set NFL records for QB-to-WR completions, yards, and touchdowns, but they didn’t do it overnight. They built chemistry. After awhile, their interactions on the field were almost completely in sync. It was magical (much like a great relationship should be), so if you see a receiver downfield, make sure it’s one you’re comfortable with.

Get Off The Bench

It’s gametime and it’s time to step up. We are called to be leaders on and off the field, so find your receiver and get to winning. Sure, I’m not asking you to take 11 years like Peyton and Marvin did, but making sure you can score a touchdown with a lady friend will go along way toward getting that Super Bowl ring.


[alert style=”info”]Sound Off: Do you get dating happy feet? Do you think the football analogy was just a little over the top? Let us know in the comments below. [/alert]

One Reply to “Dating with Happy Feet”

  1. It’s an interesting analogy, and one that bears considering. The big flaw, I think, is the assumption that everyone’s playing the same game, and/or knows what position they’re playing. The other problem is that, rather than there being a single QB with a list of receivers, in this game there’s multiple QBs, working from the same list of receivers I am. And they all showed up before I did, got better practice in, and are better liked by the receivers anyway.

    I get that the point is it takes time to develop the kind of rapport that allows QB and receiver to be in sync. When the receivers are holding out for a better QB though, it’s damn near impossible.

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