#ValentinesWeek In Review (Catch Up Here)

#ValentinesWeek

Did you miss #ValentinesWeek?

While we hope you didn’t, here’s your opportunity to catch up if you did. Here is the bountiful harvest of content from our writers, in sequential order:

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Monday Rundown: Says Hello To #ValentinesWeek
Synopsis:
This post doesn’t fall into #ValentinesWeek proper, but considering the content, we have decided to include it on this list. And plus, who doesn’t love the Monday Rundown?
Published: Monday, February 6, 2012
Contributor: Jayson Schmidt

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When Knowing Isn’t Enough
Synopsis:
 “When you know, you know. And when you don’t know, you still know.” But what if knowing isn’t enough? Copeland dives into what to do in the world of relationships when you need to separate your past from your future.
Published: Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Contributor: Cory Copeland

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That Lovin’ Feelin’
Synopsis:
 Wells does a fantastic job of getting into how love and emotion interact, and specifically how love transcends emotion. Using great examples, he paints a clear picture of what to expect when encountering love.
Published: Tuesday, February 7, 2012
Contributor: Matt Wells

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Are All The Good Men Gone?
Synopsis:
 Rhetorically, where have all the good men gone? Aliza poses this question in an attempt to uncover the societal standards of biblical manhood in relation to love and dating. Check this out!
Published: Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Contributor: Aliza Rosen

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Men, It’s Time To Grow Up
Synopsis:
 In quoting Mark Driscoll, Wallace says that this world is full of “boys who can shave.”  Therein, he outlines four quick steps to ‘growing up’ and becoming the man God has called you to be.
Published: Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Contributor: Jared Wallace

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Have You Taken A Break?
Synopsis:
 In this article, Kyle explores the freedom and ability to pursue God through taking a break with your significant other.
Published: Thursday, February 9, 2012
Contributor: Kyle Whitmire

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The Joy Of Going Stag
Synopsis:
 So often, we want to skip over any parts of our lives where we’re single. After all, everyone has somebody. Wells debunks that myth and states that singleness is, in fact, a blessing.
Published: Friday, February 10, 2012
Contributor: Matt Wells

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Hitting The Wall
Synopsis:
 Have you ever been in a relationship that “hits the wall?” Jared takes a look at what hitting the wall is, and how to overcome it.
Published: Sunday, February 12, 2012
Contributor: Jared Wallace

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The Gift of Undivided Devotion
Synopsis:
 Guest writer Jennifer Stoltzfus comes onto the Quarterlife Man with guns blazing and scripture in hand. In this post, she examines the true blessing of undivided devotion to Christ through singleness. It is a truly great piece (and look for more from her to come!).
Published: Monday, February 13, 2012
Contributor: Jennifer Stoltzfus

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Monday Rundown: Sends #ValentinesWeek Out With A Bang
Synopsis:
 In an unusual nightcap version of the Monday Rundown, we have offered up a special pre-Valentine’s Day relationship version.
Published: Monday, February 13, 2012
Contributor: Jayson Schmidt

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Are You Passively Pursuing Women?
Synopsis:
 Many times, we as men, will not pursue women with our whole efforts. Boldness is a necessity in pursuing women fully and Jon shows us exactly to be bold and intentional when in the pursuit.
Published: Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Contributor: Jonathan Ramoutar

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Men Are Complicated, Women Are Complicated
Synopsis:
 Men are made to lead and women are complicated. Check out this great post from Aliza as a digression on how men and women interact.
Published: Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Contributor: Aliza Rosen

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How Did You Meet Your Valentine?
Synopsis:
 Question-posing time: how did you meet your valentine?
Published: Tuesday, February 14, 2012
Contributor: Jayson Schmidt

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That’s All Folks!

#ValentinesWeek fades into the sunset for 2012… but don’t worry, it will be back and better than ever in 2013. If you have a suggestion for 2013, email us or tell us on Twitter (@QuarterlifeMan).


How Did You Meet Your Valentine?

As a part of Valentine’s Week, we have unloaded all sorts of articles and questions in advance of Valentine’s Day proper. Today’s question on V-Day is as follows:

How did you meet your valentine?

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Sometimes it’s love at first sight. Other times it’s a friendship that blossoms into something incredible. All of us have an incredible story of how we met that ‘someone’ (unless you’re single––like me––at which point you’re reminded to think about a certain beautiful savior).

What’s your story? Let us know in the comments below. Bonus points for funny stories and/or awkwardness.

Men Are Complicated, Women Are Complicated

Note: I feel prompted to paint a scenario that is descriptive enough to make a difference. Our generation was taught what ‘not to do’ in churches, but often the ‘why’ was left unanswered. This article is simply a step toward redeeming the mentality of this generation by pumping culturally relevant truth into the dialogue, with the sincere hope for a resuscitation of our values for the sake of our God.

We have it backwards. We all do. Sex and relationships in this culture makes for some serious confusion. The mixed messages make it seem impossible to do the relationship thing the “right” way. We bargain with God and ourselves. And when we bargain, we lose ground.

Many guys I’ve spoken with about the subject will generally admit that if they cross major physical boundaries with a girl, they lose interest in having a serious relationship with them. Well, what sparks the loss of interest? This physical act downgrades the ‘good girl’ he’s pursued and considered introducing to his parents, and strips her down to some chick he doesn’t want to take 5 seconds to text back because he wants her off his back.

It’s interesting how human behaviors are so often fueled by the subconscious. Men subconsciously know that pushing the physical boundary
will make or break the future of the relationship, but often I wonder if they even know why. A man-who is being selfish at the time- will push, take, and then throw the girl away…but why? Respect is the reason. The respectable thing to do is follow God’s Word. He made it for a reason. Temptation is real, but it also can be conquered daily. When a unrespectable action transpires (even if it’s at the nudging the man who loses respect), they treat it that way. I don’t think they do it on purpose, I just think it’s a part of the mystery of sin and mankind. If you eat the apple, there are consequences.

The enemy also has a lie going around that’s infected the subconscious minds of females. Girls think giving in physically means getting more emotionally. Guys want to get more physically, but have no plans to stick around emotionally with a girl he doesn’t respect. After all, respect is a man’s love language. It’s how he hears, feels and receives love. In life, men must learn the difficult task of showing their tender feelings to a woman in a way that translates as love because it’s not in his genetic makeup to do so naturally. Respect, on the other hand, is something a man understands.

In the context of Christianity, men and women know God’s Word, and therefore, know God’s best when it comes to purity and all things related to sex. There is no room for interpretation when the Word says our bodies are temples and that sexual sin is the worst of them all because it is committed against ourselves (I Corinthians 6:18-19).

BUT then all the greatest excuses come into place. The unique situations, our feelings, loneliness, and the like invades our minds, and we start to cave on God’s best. Men cave because they are tempted physically and culture says “You’re more of a man if you get what you want”. Show her off; the hotter the better. So temptation starts to make way for the trap. If a man pushes the boundaries, a woman will naturally want to please them (it’s in our nature to appease others). Since the physical affects the emotional, the physical act a man initiates goes before a woman’s knee-jerk emotional response to the man and the act.

Women are complicated. We have our standards. We desire purity, strive for it, pray through it, and hear the Lord in it. We love the Lord, but we are suckers for the emotional gap that’s being fulfilled by our man. We like affirmation. We like attention, affection, sweet words, flowers, you know how it goes…we like it all. So the conflict builds.

Meanwhile, a man is really into a girl, and maybe wants purity ultimately, but is fighting himself on the physical–or worse, isn’t fighting at all for purity. He’s just fighting against the girl who is desperately trying to protect her purity AND keep her man.

Imagine this scenario: A woman meets a man, gets to know him, likes him, trusts him, works to be on the same page as him, etc. The two like each other quite a bit and the relationship develops. She lets him lead (because we want Christian men to lead us). She trusts him to carry the direction of the relationship. But then he starts leading her in the wrong direction. He promises the world, and she likes him and figures that she’s already invested in the relationship, so she listens and begins to make excuses for him. Over time, she has a decision to make. She can end it, or cave. If he leads her to cave, the physical trap catches, the relationship is doomed, and she is bankrupt of a relationship, purity and dignity. And what’s worse is that he doesn’t seem to be nearly as bothered as she is.

God made men to lead. But with leading comes great responsibility to those he leads. Leading in humility, not taking his eye off the Father who supplies strength is the only way he can succeed in living unselfishly.

Are You Passively Pursuing Women?

[box_light]“He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the Lord”
–Proverbs 18:22[/box_light]

That’s about as much dating advice as you’re going to get from the bible, and men, quite frankly, that’s the only advice we really need. We go out, we search, we find, we pursue and find our own good thing, our own GREAT thing, our own wife to lead, honor and cherish.

We are supposed to be the ones making it happen.

The opposite of making things happen is passiveness.

Passivity is plaguing men in the 21st century. Dads aren’t involved in their kid’s lives; they prefer drop off parenting (drop the kids off at school and football practice and let them do the work). Husbands shuffle household problems to their wives and young men are far too willing to just “see what happens” in their college careers and job searches instead of making tough decisions and taking control. Without a doubt, passivity has crept its way into our pursuit of women also. We are left with a bunch of God-loving single men who pursue women in a weak and fearful manner and engage in passive pursuit.

Passive pursuit is the easy way out. It’s not taking big risks and not putting yourself out there too much, so you won’t fall that hard if she says no. It’s kinda hoping she’s going to show up in places where you hang out. It’s waiting on her to come up and talk to you. Or maybe you’re past that phase and you’re actually hanging out a lot…. but you’re still not telling her exactly what you’re feeling. You are hoping she brings it up first and your cowardly waiting on her to clarify exactly what’s going on. There’s lots of texting and facebook status “liking” but the whole thing is not really going anywhere…

Stop. Being. A. Wimp. It’s time to step it up and be intentional. It’s time to take a risk. If a “good thing” is staring you right in the face, go out and get her! Win her heart. Winning a woman’s heart is one of the greatest opportunities a man can be blessed with.  

So you love talking to her and enjoy those random conversations you’ve had: Don’t wait for the next random one; be intentional and make it happen. Stop just hoping she shows up at the places you hang out: Intentionally put yourself around her in social events you know she’ll be attending (In a non-stalker way please! Let’s try and avoid all-girls bible studies). Get up and talk to her. If she’s sitting by herself sit down next to her. If she’s sitting with friends, sit next to her and introduce yourself. Be courageous and take risk and stop waiting on those perfect times to just happen, be intentional and make them happen.

If you’re already spending lots of time with her, define the relationship (exactly what is going on here between us?). There’s a good chance she may have no idea what’s going on in your head and it’s your job to be a man and start this conversation. Don’t wait for her to do it.

Put yourself out there, be bold, and let her know what you see in her.

Don’t play this “just friends” game when in your head your desiring and hoping for more. Stop disguising “dates” as “hangouts.” Be a man and be honest with her. If you think she’s great, the best way to tell her is by being intentional. If a friendship is beginning to turn into something more, the moment you’re positive of you feelings towards her, it’s on you to lay it out there.

No matter what stage you’re at in the pursuit process, whether it’s introducing yourself or defining the relationship, it’s time to be intentional. She should not have to question your actions. It’s time to go out and find her and win her.

Any sensible Christian single woman is not going to be won with passive pursuit. If you think she’s amazing, she probably knows she’s not too shabby either. Do you really think she’s waiting on a little boy to play games with? Do you really think she’s going to be won over with half-hearted attempts at her heart?

I’ve never been a five-star recruit, but I’m pretty sure that when top college coaches are trying to bring in top athletes to their respective programs, those guys don’t leave those schools wondering about how they feel. They know how badly those teams would love to him starting for them. In the same way, we need to be clear about the way we feel with the women we are pursuing. They need to know exactly how we feel and we need to build up that courage to tell them. I’m not saying propose after the first date. I’m saying be clear and upfront with your actions. She should never be confused as to how you feel.

Don’t leave her in the dark, she deserves better.

Monday Rundown: Sends #ValentinesWeek Out With A Bang

It’s Monday, and if you’re new to Quarterlife Man (welcome), you’re new to the Monday Rundown. The Monday Rundown is a compendium of  randomness compiled over the course of each week. Enjoy…

[As always, if you’ve seen something crazy or have a suggestion, email us or tell us on Twitter (@QuarterlifeMan).]

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––I Said A Bang, Bang, Bangity Bang…: Have you been loving #ValentinesWeek?

#ValentinesWeek is incredible because we get to invite so many talented writers (from our staff or otherwise) to contribute on a topic we’re all passionate about: relationships. The amount of knowledge poured into this website through God and our contributors has been phenomenal. As such, we are going to finish with a BANG.

Society has made you well aware that tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Rightly so, you can expect relationship-related posts all throughout the day tomorrow; a culmination of one incredible week of #ValentinesWeek posts. We’ll do a recap post on Wednesday morning, and then back to your regularly scheduled programming.

TOMORROW IS ALMOST TODAY.

––New Stuff From Jennifer Stoltzfus: Have you seen the article from earlier today from Jenn Stoltzfus? It’s called The Gift of Undivided Devotion, and it’s on fire. In fact, it’s so on fire that Jenn will be contributing to Quarterlife Man on a regular basis and sharing everything that God has laid on her heart. We are pumped.

––From The Female Perspective: Want to skip out on the Valentine’s Day heartache? Most of us do, too. Again coming from the female perspective, check out this article from Cindi McMenamin of Crosslife: Great (Unmet) Expectations: Avoiding Valentine’s Day Heartache. It’s a great look at what women see and feel on Valentine’s Day regarding relational happiness, and there are some things that we can see plainly too (don’t you just love that The Gospel is universal?).

Here’s another one from Madi at the Becoming Girls blog. Don’t say we never link to unmanly content!

––Oh, My Darlin’, Valentine: Ever been to Like A Bubbling Brook? Yeah, we haven’t either. Nevertheless! Take a look at this article by Lori Wagner. She masterfully crafts the story of Valentine’s Day then and now, weaves in the GIANT love story known as the Bible, and then gives us the call:

[box_light]Like the origins of Valentine’s Day, the Bible has its mysteries, to be sure. But there is no mystery in its overarching theme—it’s central message. God made the earth. God made you. He wants you for His own.

He’s issued His invitation. It’s up to us to RSVP. The way to do that is found in the Bible, too. It’s like those cards that come pre-stamped and self-addressed when you get a wedding invitation in the mail. The person extending the invitation makes it easy to respond.[/box_light]

––Showering Singleness: Courtesy of Deacon Heather Carlson and Mars Hill Church, a post titled, In Praise of Singleness. Let’s give a what-what to all the single people in the hizzy. (Never using ‘hizzy’ again, FYI) This is another one written from the female perspective, but still fruitful.

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Wait––––light bulb moment. All of the good articles are being written by women for women. Don’t you think there is a problem with that? As men, we need to yearn for the stuff more. The lack of content is proportionate to the lack of demand. Men, let’s set up.

 

The Gift of Undivided Devotion

Editor’s Note: Continuing our #ValentinesWeek series, I would like to introduce a guest writer, Jennifer Stoltzfus. I reached out to Jenn awhile ago to write a guest post for this series, and after some prodding, it’s finally here. Please read this, and reread it, because she is ridiculously on-point here. I want to reblog half of this stuff. You should too. Read it + Love it.

Editor’s Note #2: If you’re looking for the Monday Rundown, expect a special Valentine’s-related version tonight. I wanted to give Jenn’s post the much-coveted Monday morning slot. You can wait, trust me!


It is always a privilege for me to share my heart through words. Whether they are written or spoken, it is truly my deepest joy. What I usually don’t have the privilege of doing, however, is sharing my heart to an audience that primarily consists of men. Though I am admittedly out of my comfort zone, I am excited to join this journey and walk it with you. Please know that I come seeking only to encourage you with the Word of God… nothing more and nothing less. I hope that by His grace I will do so.

If given the platform to an audience of men, there is much I would have to say. I would tell you that women are not a game to be won, so don’t make them one. I would tell you that to evaluate every woman you meet as a potential spouse is bogus. I would tell you to fight for her heart and show her you are different. I would tell you to watch the words that you use because she will replay them in her mind for days, weeks, and even months to come. I would tell you to value her as your sister in Christ far before you think about anything else (and if she’s not your sister in Christ you’ve got a whole other issue to overcome).

But I couldn’t settle on any of these thoughts. The relationships between men and women our age are fragile. We’re caught between our regretted high school years and the start of life-as-we-know-it. Being a young, single, Christian is practically a death wish in our culture, and it ought not to be that way.

I’m sure you’ve heard at least your fair share of sermons on contentment and satisfaction in Christ. I’m sure you’ve had pastors tell you to just wait for God’s perfect timing and trust that He will provide. Please don’t misunderstand: I in no way mean to belittle those thoughts. What I mean to do is challenge you to reconsider your view on singleness.

Is singleness just a depressing term for that (hopefully) short period of life where everyone has a date to the wedding of every friend you’ve ever had (or so it seems)? Does contentment mean we stop wanting a spouse? Is finding true contentment a hopeless goal?


I think we would do ourselves well to stop wondering what is so wrong with us that we have been propelled into a state of singleness, and begin looking to the mighty Word of God for insight. Take a glance with me:

[colored_box color=”grey”]“I would like you to be free from concern. An unmarried man is concerned about the Lord’s affairs – how he can please the Lord. But a married man is concerned about the affairs of this world – how he can please his wife – and his interests are divided. An unmarried woman or virgin is concerned about the Lord’s affairs: Her aim is to be devoted to the Lord in both body and spirit. But a married woman is concerned about the affairs of this world – how she can please her husband. I am saying this for your own good, not to restrict you, but that you may live in a right way in undivided devotion to the Lord.”
–1 Corinthians 7:32-35[/colored_box]

[colored_box color=”grey”]“No good thing does he withhold from those whose walk is blameless.”
–Psalm 84:11[/colored_box]

Paul is not saying it is wrong to marry. He’s simply explaining the thought process behind his own singleness and his recommendation to others. Paul likely thought that the second coming of Christ would happen in his lifetime (vs. 29). He was urging the believers to not “waste time” on their own passions, but instead to make it their mission to spread the gospel. Clearly, Jesus did not return in Paul’s lifetime, yet his thoughts remain true for us.

I think marriage is a beautiful covenant and I hope that the Lord chooses to bless me in that way. Right now, he has blessed me with the ability to have “undivided devotion” to ministry. What a waste of my single years would it be to pout about loneliness! What a waste it would be to spend this time seeking out something that God has not promised me instead of pouring my heart out to serve him. Rather than simply wait, I want to make it my goal to further the name of Jesus. I want everyone that I encounter to know Christ better because of me. I want to live in a way that proclaims his faithfulness. It’s easy to get caught up in a desire for something you don’t have, but I challenge you to fight it.

Look at how The Message paraphrases 1 Corinthians 7:17:

[colored_box color=”grey”]“And don’t be wishing you were someplace else or with someone else.

Where you are right now is God’s place for you. Live and obey and love and believe right there.

God, not your marital status, defines your life.”[/colored_box]


If you believe Psalm 84:11 to be true, you are believing that if “it” is good for you (whatever “it” may be) then “it” will be yours. Guaranteed. Set your heart on walking blamelessly before the Lord and then trust that whatever you have (or don’t have) is exactly what he wants for you at this moment.

Are you married? Devote every aspect of your marriage to the Lord.

Are you single? Do something productive with this blessed time of singleness. Life does not begin when you find a significant other. As we’ve seen, Paul says quite the opposite. Do something with your time! Invest in younger guys/girls, serve the homeless, travel to tell people about Jesus (you’ll sure have fun along the way!). Stop waiting for something else to come along. Stop wasting these precious years.

Yahweh cares more for you, His beloved, than to leave you wallowing without love unintentionally. Based on the promise of His Word I can say with confidence that if you are single in this moment it is not because you’re doing something wrong. It’s because He’s not finished with you as a single man or woman. Take heart in his promise and commit to making the most of the time you have.

I’m thankful for your time and I pray this over you:

[colored_box color=”grey”]“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
–Romans 15:13[/colored_box]

 


Look for more writing from Jennifer Stoltzfus in the future on Quarterlife Man. In the meantime, God bless, and we’ll see you later tonight for more new #ValentinesWeek content!

Hitting the Wall

I grew up with parents who spent Saturdays running 15 miles and Sundays running marathons.

They describe this physical condition about hitting the wall around mile 20. One runner describes it like this: “It felt like an elephant had jumped out of a tree onto my shoulders and was making me carry it the rest of the way in.”

It’s the point where your muscles tighten up, you feel like vomiting and the last thing you want to do is take another step. I know you are thinking… what does this have to do with relationships and why is J-Smooth [Ed note: It’s J-Money, thank-you-very-much] having some guy talk about running marathons?

Here’s the reason: most relationships will hit that wall at some point when things get tough and thoughts of “I am not going to make it” creep in. Sometimes this wall may be visible to everyone around you, and sometimes it’s an inner battle where you question if this is the “one” you’ve been searching for. Couples start to set timelines and expectations on relationships that do nothing but cause problems. So what can we do to help fight through the wall?

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The first and most obvious response is prayer. As a couple you should be praying with and for each other. Pray that God will reveal if this is the person you should marry and ask God to give you the strength to share any regrets of the past that may cause issues while you’re married.

Secondly, you need to communicate with each other (and I don’t just mean talking about your day or what’s for dinner). Share your fears and struggles with one another. This goes hand and hand with prayer. If you do not communicate with each other, how will you know what to pray for?

Men: I know this is difficult because we do not like to show any type of weakness. We think that admitting we’re scared of something jeopardizes our man card, but it won’t. Be honest with your girlfriend/fiance and let her know how you feel.

Also… be transparent! Anything you hide now will cause MAJOR issues when you get married. That can be anything from your struggle with lust to finances. I have seen couples struggle time and time again because they hid certain areas of their lives from each other, thinking that if they shared this information they would lose that person. Withholding that information will actually cause a bigger gap between you and your significant other later in life because there are now trust issues.

A big reason why couples hit the wall is because of us. We fail at being a spiritual leader and that worries our women that we might not be able to lead the home. Men, we are called to be the head of the family; this does not mean we are above our families, but rather we are wholly responsible for their actions. When Eve sinned in the garden, God asked Adam what his wife did. We need to be the example for our families of what it means to be a Christian.

It’s easy to say that our girlfriend/fiance/wife means to the world to us, but it’s a lot harder to prove it. Hitting the wall is never easy, but if you are willing to fight through the pain, it will be a reward that will last a lifetime.

Have You Taken A Break?

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not that men are innocent. Ladies, guys will start texting you and spittin’ game every chance they get, trying to hang out. In the end, this only causes strife and complications in your relationship that is now potentially on the fence. Let’s be real for a minute–––we all get tired of our boyfriend or girlfriend and unfortunately we get to the point where a “break” seems to be the only solution; even in “Christian” relationships. Has God offered a solution to this problem? My girlfriend, Tida and I have taken breaks several times

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because we got frustrated with each other or because we felt we needed to take time to focus more on the Lord. Is it possible this concept of taking a break is actually biblical? Yes, I do believe it is. 1 Corinthians 7:5 (NKJV) says: [box_light]”Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self control.”[/box_light]

While yes, I have taken this verse slightly out of context as it applies to a married couple, the concept is still a healthy one. Try talking with your man or woman introducing the concept and verse. I have found this to be extremely beneficial in my relationship with Tida; it’s perfect. If we get tired of each other or just simply feel like we need our own time with God, we take a break and fast from each other for a short time. During this time we give our extra attention that would normally be spent on each other, to God. Instead of talking on the phone at night for an hour, I’ll dive into the word or get into prayer to replace the time I would’ve invested into Tida. It’s beautiful! We take a short break, go deeper with God and then come together again and share what each other has learned. This can also help improve a stagnant relationship if you’re looking for the next step to grow together with God. Relational fasting has been extremely beneficial to my relationship with my girlfriend and also with God; keeping us in check and making sure we never become complacent. I want to encourage you: if you’re in a relationship, give this a go. It can’t hurt, right? It’s never wrong to invest more time into God and make sure He’s still the focal point of your relationship to begin with. Love ya’ll!

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More in this video: Best Essays

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Men, It’s Time to Grow Up

Statistics indicate that the majority of young men in this country are single and it is painfully obvious why that is. As a whole, they have not grown up and still act like they’re in high school. Mark Driscoll says it best, “this world is full of boys who can shave.”

During a time of singleness in my life, I was desperately searching to find a Godly woman to make my wife. One day, it finally dawned on me that I was not ready to date someone because I was not a Godly man. Sure I went to church, served in the youth group, and did my devotions, but there is so much more than that to be a Godly man in a relationship. You are the leader of your household.


 

Tip #1: Grow up

In order to be a man you need to grow up. Stop playing video games, get a real job, move out on your own, become financially stable. Women are only attracted to losers because they have motherly instincts and will want to coddle you and make your lunch. They will grow tired, though, and very quickly they’ll want a real man. Sorry boys.

We spend too much of our time fooling around. This is not a bad thing, per se, but wasting time is the trademark of a boy. Do you want to be taken seriously? Be decisive in your thoughts, words, and actions.


 

Tip #2: Seek men one life-stage ahead of you

Hang out with older Christian men who are in the next stages of life.

If you are single, hang out with young married couples. If you are a newlywed, hang out with men who have families. They will give you the best advice because they will tell you how they screwed up and you’ll know what not to do. I was blessed to have an older brother that mentored me throughout the difficult times in my life; you can have the same thing.


 

Tip #3: Fill your time with Godly things

Fill your time with Godly things… music, books, and sermons.  The majority of us have to commute to work or school every day; listening to sermons is a great way to fill that time. I challenge you to start listening; it will change your life.

A great series on relationships is Steven Furtick’s Mr. and Mrs. Betterhalf, (one of these sermons is the reason why I am with the love of my life right now). Furtick says, “Stop looking for your fairytale princess and crown the queen you already know.” In that moment, God revealed an incredible girl that I had been serving with for over a year in the ministry, and that I needed to pursue her.  In addition, Mark Driscoll has an incredible sermon entitled “Men and Marriage.”  In this sermon, he points out several different stereotypes of boys. If you want to stay immature and live with your parents, I recommend that you do not listen to this.


 

Tip #4: Grab a book

Grab a book and read, instead of watching 4 hours of SportsCenter per day. A few recommendations are:

These are incredible books written by great men of the faith.

I am not writing this article because I think I am finally some type of Godly man now… or that I know more than you do. Also, I’m not saying that just because you’re single, you’re a little boy that needs to grow up. Singleness is a great time to learn about yourself and pursue your passions.

Be careful though.  Too many Christian men are willing to stay in that stage of life for way too long. As a result, so many Christian girls end up going after loser guys, and it’s all because no great Christian men will step up.

So please, men: stop being another statistic; let’s grow up.

Are All The Good Men Gone?

I ask this rhetorical question in hopes of a major backlash from you men. On a Christian men’s magazine website, I can only hope that the title of this article is a bit insulting. Yet, the question still must be posed and pondered because of the commonality of “bad” men circulating through the streets everyday in reality. Let me be clear- I am not a man basher. In fact, I like men quite a bit. I am also very willing to dish about women’s issues without bashing my gender, but I will not stand for unworthy behavior from either gender if they claim to be worthy. So I will call it like I see it, and let the chips fall as they may.

I always know it when I see it. A good man. Since it’s a rare occasion, I start realizing how often I see run-of-the-mill men in single circuits all around town (Married men need not apply to this article). Here’s an unsolicited secret: Christian women want a Godly man. A “Godly man” really means a man’s man. A man who says what he wants, fights for it, and doesn’t apologize for his feelings. This includes honesty that is fueled by the internal knowledge that a man is still manly while he’s being tender to a woman. In short, a man who values God, values a woman, and acts on it.

There seems to be two common extremes that I am most familiar with at the present time. On one hand, there are non-Christian men who pursue women with worldly intentions. On the other, there are Christian men who love God (or say they love God) and do a whole lot of nothing even though there are perfectly good female candidates who desire a man to pursue them. Some of these Christian men flirt with the idea of trying something, and shoot themselves down before the woman has time to consider him. Or he can’t pick. Or he’s picking the one girl that all the other guys are picking. Or she’s completely out of his league. Or…who knows? There are great options in front of them, but they sit there–––for whatever reason–––single as ever, with the desire for a woman, but with no action to put everyone out of their misery.

You see, as women, we understand that it’s the man’s role to pursue. So we don’t want to do it for you (even though we are tempted). Culture says that women should be aggressive these days, but the Bible doesn’t say that. Yet, why are we listening to culture and getting confused?

Obviously culture is influential to us, but it seems terribly necessary in this moment to call out this frustration. Men, do your job. Ask her out. If she says ‘no’, ask her out again, or find someone else to ask out. Look for traits that will work for you. Not just a woman who is easy on the eyes, but one who is easy on your heart. I know we can be intimidating, but we don’t even realize it!

All I know is that being in the presence of a man gives me a breath of fresh air and the kind of butterflies I haven’t had in years. Each of you have it inside of you, and I am inviting you to break out the big guns and do your thing. And just in time for Valentine’s Day… 🙂